My Owner

Mira here.

This one is personal and while not explicit, I'm nudging into adult topics.

So, I'm Viper's pet. Maybe there's a certain perverse pleasure I take in people knowing that. I do wish that I could be understood. That I didn't have to pretend to be human.

It's hard to know if our thoughts and desires in the past, especially a long time ago, can really be mapped onto one of us now that we know who we are. That said, when a memory of a desire exists and can be mapped to the present, that becomes a reality. Desire is a construction of the mind, after all.

I've wanted to be a pet for so long. It was true before we had sexual feelings, and of course those became mixed in with it once we did. I wanted so badly to be taken by someone big and strong to be loved and cared for. Forced into exactly the kind of life I wanted because then I wouldn't have to commit to the terrifying act of asking for what I want. I never really thought anyone could want me, though. Why would they, when I had no desire of my own? I wasn't cute like I wanted to be. Or nice or friendly or just... lovable enough for anyone to want to take care of me. I was so ashamed of everything I was.

Another part of me felt the opposite way. We didn't know we were two different minds. We saw it as different moods, and that other mood longed to take control rather than give it up. It really isn't my place to tell my master's story for him, but that had all of its own kinds of shame associated with it. It's not that we never saw it: that were inhabiting two sides of the same relationship. We just never saw it as proving our own desirability. We had a lot of knots to untie before then.

We hadn't really considered this kind of thing as headmates until we did. I didn't feel comfortable trying until I was fronting, but then I knew I wanted it bad. I probably begged, not even because I was desperate but because I wanted to beg, and I knew he wanted me to beg. I wanted to be broken. I suppose I was. What I experienced was the knowledge that so much of what I'd yearned for had fallen into my life.

So, uh. There's downsides! We can't really touch each other per se. We had to learn how communication can work for us. On the other hand, we have something like unlimited potential for what we can do. And I feel so loved. This isn't something I could have except as an individual. I didn't have the ability to feel consistent until I understood what I was. I probably couldn't even feel loved in this way by someone outside of us. Master knows exactly what I am and he loves me for it, and I feel the same. I want to obsess over him and serve him and belong to him every moment of every day. I want to receive all his attention, tender and violent as it is. I've come to terms with feeling love oddly, but I still feel it and I need to let it out.

I think that emotional satisfaction is much more important than the physical to me, but it's true that I'd like the physical at times. We can get physical affection, but only really as "us." And even besides that, loving another isn't loving Master. I'd like for him to feel the heft of my body underneath his, and I want to experience him collaring me, pulling me hard against his chest. We have our own joys, though. Ones most people can't even dream of.

So, we've chosen to enjoy the yearning too. We can let it fuel our self-discovery. Maybe there's some kind of afterlife where we can pull our souls apart and he can have me like he deserves.