Loving

It's Mira.

Ah, I feel a really strong longing lately that's been clinging to me. It's because I feel loved for the first time. Really loved in the way I need. What I mean is, I'm loved by other people, but only Viper is my owner. I use his name only for clarity, since he's just Master to me. Some days I'm just happy in a way that makes me want to be able to touch him for real. To be touched by him. To have him treat me however he wants. Or really, just to exist near him, maybe chained to his desk. I want to be ordered around, hurt a little. We could start slow.

That's probably hard to understand for a lot of people, but it's a mutual feeling. He gets this, too. And there isn't any replacement for it, really. If I found someone else, they'd be forced to interact with us rather than me. And in any event, I'd still love Master and want to express it. Longing it alright, I guess. I was made to be longing. The reality of the situation is that even in the case where he had two different bodies, I wouldn't be able to live the life I dream of all the time. Not more than I do now. In fact, it might even be less than I do now. Fantasies are still fantasies, and the reality of an owner who loves me is still real.

To clarify, I love July and Trinket and I'd love to touch and hug them, talk to them directly. Things like that. It's just that they aren't sadists. They aren't controlling. There's only one person in the world I give my soul to, and while there are others who could probably love me that way, I'm not sure if I'd be interested. I wouldn't mind being owned jointly, though. It would just have to work out. Well, I'm just complaining. Like I said, I was built for longing. It makes the indulging feel even better when it happens. That's the life I chose on my own, and I don't have any regrets about it. Or maybe I was always his, in a way. We've been feeding off of each other long enough.

I might not post this when I write it, but now that I've written it, I'm going to bed. I can pull the blankets tight and feel his desire to hold me close.