Monster

Viper here,

Gotta admit I've been in my own head about things. It's Asexual Awareness Week or something, and people talk about that. Which is all well and good, it's fine. It's just that I've been thinking more about being aromantic, which doesn't getting brought up as often. And I dunno how to describe these feelings. I dislike romance. I dislike it being brought up. I dislike how many times I feel expected when hanging around places with queer people to just jump and really care about if something "has lesbians" or whatever. There's a lot of silent pressure to be really really into caring about people hooking up as a concept. The very idea of it is supposed to be enough. You "should" be always seeking it out no matter what.

I've never felt that way. I've never understood it. The appeal of it. July might, she's definitely capable of those feelings in a way I'm not. Trinket too, maybe, but she's different again. She loves everyone. The idea of an 'exclusive relationship' doesn't quite appeal to her, but emotional closeness does.

I'm not incapable of romantic feelings, that much should be obvious enough. They just aren't the same type. I need to love someone by controlling them. I need to devote every feeling I have fully to them. I feel a strong and specific love and I can really only love someone capable of taking all of it into themself and responding with equal and opposite devotion. Being dominating isn't just a sex thing for me (it is naturally also a sex thing) but just an emotional need. It's how I treat Mira, just soaking in their devotion and trust. Because they happen to be the counterpart of my feelings

It's frustrating to feel so left out so often, I guess. But I don't want to change. There's no need for it. I just want to be known a little. I'm a monstrous thing and I wish to be known, my name spoken of in hushed tones for the few who want what I can give. I want it to be understood that there are creatures who love by biting and clawing and squeezing for the creatures who can only love by being squeezed and clawed and bitten and taken care of.